Finding my balance

Life is good. The end of last week was filled with socialising, followed by some time at home, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Cheltenham was brilliant, from the moment we got on the coach at 7.30 am. I wore the dress, jacket and boots in the end, but I needn’t have worried as much as I did, as people were wearing all different types of outfits.

I somehow felt fine the following day, which was fortunate as I was meeting my friend Carol for lunch and we hadn’t seen each other since 2019! We chatted for two hours solid before she had to go on the school run and the husband and I had to make our way over to Essex. I was having an early birthday celebration with my family, what was supposed to be dinner and cabaret turned into dancing and trying to steal the mic off of the live singer at every opportunity. I hope I didn’t make too much of a tit of myself as I am going back there tomorrow night with my friends.

After all the celebrations, the husband conveniently contracted a particularly nasty strain of man flu, we had a painter coming on Monday, so it was left to me to sort the house out, including the tiresome job of emptying the living room of everything but the big furniture. I was shattered! I had a well deserved soak in the bath and an early night.

I managed to get myself up and showered before the painter arrived. I had convinced myself that I would be fine locking myself away in the sanctuary whilst he worked away, but I began to feel really self conscious. I had a panic that, because he was working between my room and the bathroom, I was going to disturb him at a pivotal painting point and knock him off his ladder when I needed the loo.

As soon as the opportunity arose, I went downstairs with armfuls of things so I didn’t have to get in his way, almost  tripping down the stairs as I went because I was trying so hard not to touch any paint. I made it to the living room in one piece thankfully.

That evening, husband and I settled down that evening catching up on some episodes of Gogglebox when he got a message from the painter. He had injured his arm and was currently in A&E, he wouldn’t be coming tomorrow but he would keep us posted. Oh dear. The following morning, he messaged to say he would be out of action for 8 weeks, I did briefly wonder, if he had just come to our house and thought, sod that and decided to go and break his arm just to get out of it.

Trying to remain positive, I suggested to the husband that we did it ourselves, together. He didn’t seem keen, saying it would take just as long as we would need to do it around work etc. I was secretly relieved. What was I thinking? I haven’t done any painting since primary school and we can’t even move furniture together without screaming at each other, one of us would have paint chucked at them before the first day was over. We have decided to wait until he has recovered. Divorce averted.

I kept getting a random mobile number calling me, I usually google and block if it’s listed as a cold caller but mobile numbers can be a bit tricky, I am trickier. I saved the number in my phone and then looked at it in WhatsApp, it was some financial solutions company. No thanks. Blocked. So theres a little tip for you.

I’ve done some walking too. I even walked to my counselling session, which is 2.4 miles each way. It was really warm out though, I was a sweaty mess when I got back, but as Shaun T would say “Thats not sweat, its just fat crying” (Mine was sobbing)

The sun has definitely had a positive effect on my mood. Day 4 of sunshine and I feel like I’m high as a kite. I have found it so much easier to ignore that inner critic, the one who makes me want to panic about every bloody thing. Can you imagine if this whole painting incident had happened last week? I think I would have stuck my head in the oven.

I can’t give the sun all the credit though, the counselling sessions are definitely paying off, whilst I can’t always control my moods, which are probably down to hormones, I can control the way I deal with them and that is definitely improving.

I am finally finding my balance in life. I am not trying to self sabotage with food and alcohol and I don’t need to fill my time with lunches & dinners.

I am happy and rather than worry about how long its going to last for, like I usually do, I am just going to enjoy it.

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