Cycle One, Round Two

I haven’t been on here for a while, what with a busy calendar, the last month or so has been a bit of a blur, which sadly hindered my 90 day plan further.

As you have probably already seen, since starting the plan back in March, I have torn a calf muscle, had the flu and several colds, had a birthday, had a weekend away,  come off of my anti depressants, had my best friends hen do, had my brothers wedding and then my best friends hen weekend.

I just couldn’t get a hold of it and felt something was always getting in my way. I bodged my way through cycle two, just, then got my cycle three plan only to decide that I want to start the whole thing again and this time I’m going to really give it my all. I finally have my mojo back after all this time and more importantly, I feel ready. Pretty sure having one month until my best friends wedding is also helping too.

I’ve got my life coach friend onto the books so its nice to have someone to obsess about the plan with. We also went along and helped Joe Wicks break the world record last week. I must admit I was swaying towards the idea of doing some drastic low calorie diet for the next 30 days, but going there and seeing almost 4000 people do one of Joes HIIT workouts really did inspire me to start the whole thing again.

I’ve decided that this time, I am going to avoid drinking alcohol as much as possible, which for me is going to be pretty difficult, given already this week I have a lunch and two dinners I’m going out for, but I have reserved the right restaurants where I know I can eat on plan and I am really going to try and avoid drinking alcohol in the week. I realise now I could have done so much more last time round which makes me more determined as I can clearly see my mistakes.

I got up at 5am this morning, did a 20 minute HIIT sessions from Joes DVD, made myself some protein breakfast muffins and my lunch and I am feeling pretty good.

So here goes round two of cycle one. Wish me luck.

Its so trying when I am always bloody crying

I’ve been off my anti depressants for just over four weeks now. I was pretty happy with the fact that I had very few withdrawal symptoms apart from feeling like my brain was moving about it my head constantly and some very vivid dreams, that was until week 3.

We took the kids away for the bank holiday weekend, which I was quite looking forward to. We had a good weekend, then it was time to come home. Usually I have the following day booked off so that I can catch up with washing and housework etc, but I only had 3 days left to take until the end of the year, so I decided as long as we left early enough I would be ok. So Monday came and as usual everyone is slowly going about their business and getting ready to go swimming, whilst I am frantically trying to pack everyone’s bags as we’re supposed to be out of the apartment by 10, this is at 9:50am. The kids are following me around and getting under my feet and my boyfriend is just wandering around aimlessly as usual. At 11, he was in the shower there was a knock on the door reminding us that we needed to check out. I was still in my PJs waiting to get into the shower. I was stressed! I just wanted to get home, we’d had a busy week the before and I knew the house was in a state and I knew we wouldn’t be home until at least 5pm as we weren’t leaving until 3pm.

My mind kept going over all the things I needed to do, I was exhausted, the walls in the apartment were so thin you had people up at 6am shouting down to someone 3 doors away and the guy next door singing (very badly to his kid) I text my boss and asked for a day’s holiday, I couldn’t cope with living in a pig sty until the following weekend, plus I only get 4 free days a month I didn’t fancy spending one of them cleaning, especially if the weather was going to be nice.

I had the day off and spent the entire day cleaning, I got up around 7 and sat down about 4:30 by that time I would need to start thinking about cooking dinner. I felt a bit resentful that I’d had to use a precious days holiday to do this. Although I felt accomplished I knew the house being in this state wouldn’t last long. I felt a bit angry, I shouldn’t have had to do that. Unfortunately, I did unless I wanted to sit in a mess all week and then give up a precious & rare Saturday or Sunday with my boyfriend.

The following day I woke up and felt so fed up to the point where I got out of the shower and had a little cry. I pulled myself together and got myself to work in hope that I would be distracted.

Distracted I was, it would appear that my colleagues had undergone some brain removal transplant and everyone had forgotten about stuff they needed and now everything was urgent. Usually I thrive on working under pressure I love being against the clock, but today I was not mentally prepared for this. I ranted and swore to my team about everyone’s incompetence and found myself at my desk desperate to burst into tears.

Fuck! I hope I’m not getting depressed again! This sent me into a panic. Whilst I was ok on the tablets and really didn’t have any qualms about going back on, I was disappointed as I had been doing so well.

I was angry and upset with my boyfriend, I felt so very unappreciated, I’d spent the last three bank holiday weekends doing stuff with him & the kids, I felt like I needed a break but I never got one as there was always something that needed doing. I had spoken to him several times about doing more around the house but it seemed to have fallen on deaf ears and now I was exhausted. I was tired of moaning to him about it as I was hurt that he couldn’t see how shattered I was, most nights I wasn’t sitting down until 8:30 baring in mind we don’t have the kids in the week. I felt this was all taken for granted. I felt angry that he would come in from work and I’d be cooking or cleaning and he would plonk all his crap on the dining table and sit down in front of the TV then when dinner was ready I’d have to clear the table (again) while he just sat there playing a poxy game on his phone or watching TV. I felt neglected.

There was only one thing to do and that was message my life coach. She was great as usual and just being able to get it all out really helped. My boyfriend had messaged me earlier to say he wasn’t going golf as he’d planned as he was too tired and wanted to come home to me. Whilst this sounds lovely, I couldn’t help thinking that his real reason for coming home was simply because he was tired and nothing to do with me apart from the fact he would be waited on as usual.

To my surprise, he came home with flowers for me as a thank you for cleaning the house. I felt quite happy and that maybe we were getting somewhere. We had a whole weekend together coming up another rare thing as we usually always have something going on, I had been really looking forward to it. Then he decides to say he’s playing golf on Sunday. He’s already said he wanted to do stuff around the house on Saturday so that would have left us Sunday to spend time together. I couldn’t hide my disappointment, I’m not sure I even tried.

He said he wouldn’t go, but that wasn’t the point. He WANTED to go. I’m not going to stop him doing what he wants to do. I’m just gutted that he doesn’t want to do something with me. Especially as I’ve been feeling so shite. But that’s what happens, I pull closer, he moves away.

Anyway, back to the crying. The following day was horrific. I felt like I was back to square one. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t cry. My work friend came over to me at lunchtime and my chin was wobbling I just prayed she didn’t ask me what was wrong! I felt a bit better after that and by mid afternoon I felt ecstatically happy. WTF?! Oh god am I bi-polar?

I decided to look it all up and to my relief it was perfectly normal to feel like this when withdrawing from the tablets. This actually eased my mind a little. Still bloody annoying tho.

The weekend went pretty much the same on a rollercoaster of emotions I was like a leaky tap, I apologised to my boyfriend saying that I knew some of the things I was thinking & were irrational. What I really wanted was to be comforted but I didn’t want to ask for it. I didn’t want to ask for any of it, I just wish he would do some of these things of his own back and not because he is asked.

We are not afraid, we are proud.

My thoughts are with all of those people who were affected by the Manchester attack this week.

Living in London as a child in the 80’s, I grew up in the times of the IRA bombings. I was always taught to be vigilant. Usually in the East End, if someone left a bag or package somewhere it would have been snapped up and you would never see it again, but times were different and anything like this was now seen as suspicious.

When I first started working in London at 19, having moved to Essex 5 years ago. My dad, who works in public transport, told me of a code they had at the station to alert staff of a suspect package and that if I was to hear this, I was to leave the station. Even though the IRA bombings had long stopped, I was aware that there were still threats around us.

15 years on and still everyday I listen out for the codes, I watch those around me and everyday I arrive into the London terminals wondering if something will happen today, its second nature to me now, it doesn’t interfere with my day, or my life for that matter.

This morning, after the terror alert had been risen to severe, my thoughts on my journey were no different, if anything I felt safer. I looked around me and saw everyone carrying on and getting on with their day. Everyone still barging past each other and walking so fast the soles of their shoes would probably be worn by the time they got to the office. I felt a huge surge of pride & gratitude, so much so that I wanted to hug all the police outside St Paul’s Cathedral but I didn’t think that was very appropriate. I felt truly grateful that there are people out there willing to put their lives at risk to ensure we are all safe. How amazing that we British, with our funny little ways, when it comes to it, will ALWAYS stand together. I am so very proud.

Getting Unstuck

I’ve been feeling a bit “stuck” I guess is the only word I can think to describe it right now. Its like there is so much I want to do, but I am being held back, I’m not even sure what by. Is it me? My lifestyle? I’m feeling quite frustrated but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Recently, I was doing my usual commute to work. It takes around an hour door to door, half of my journey is spent on the train. I’ve always loved working in London, I’ve been in the city for 16 years now (God I’m old!) The commute has never bothered me and I’ve had many different commutes in that time, including the Central Line, otherwise known as the Greenhouse on wheels. Yet the other day I decided that I wasn’t sure if the city life was for me anymore. I started thinking seriously about my career future. I’ve never wanted to be a big cheese, I had a supervisor role when I was younger and although I am admittedly very bossy, I much prefer to be able to do my job and go home, I could never be someone who works endless hours or takes their job home with them, well at least not this job. I want to feel that passion and excitement that I see in others.

A friend of mine has recently opened her own holistic treatment room. I admire her so much, she has a family, she is the same age as me, she knew what she wanted and she went for it, she took that leap. Her doing this really made me think, what do I enjoy doing? There was only one answer to this, it’s the only thing I have ever enjoyed and that is what I am doing right now. Writing.

My dreams and aspirations have come and gone, when I was in primary school I wanted to be a nurse, since then I have wanted to be an estate agent, a journalist, a hairdresser, a singer and an actress but one thing I have always wanted that has never ever faltered over the years, is to write books. When I was younger I used to “borrow” blank exercise books from school and write stories. I would read books and then have a sequel in my head on what happened to all the characters after. I remember finding a “choose your own adventure book” when I was younger, I was in heaven! All those possible outcomes in one book!! My boyfriend is always amazed at how many books I get through, he’s been reading the same one for months. Reading and writing has always been my passion, I get excited when I have a good idea. Since starting this page I have random thoughts about things I want to write about, it can at times consume me.

My ultimate dream is to make a career out of writing, work from home where I live with my then to be Husband and LOTS of dogs. I just need to make the leap (and time) to do this and get myself unstuck! Any tips on how would be gratefully received!

The end of Cycle One – Finally!

I’ve finally finished cycle one of the 90 day SSS plan! Hurrah. It was a looooong road as I had to pretty much start it all over again because of injury then illness but I’m so pleased I finished it.

I could have done better but the second time round I was beginning to get bored with eating the same stuff, it would have been fine for 30 days but not after 50 odd.

I’ll admit that the week before I was thinking of jacking it all in until after my holiday which is in 6 weeks, I wasn’t feeling any different, why wasn’t I a size 8 yet?

I was due to submit on Friday but having come down with another virus (I’ve ordered some vitamins!!) I decided to submit a couple of days early in case I was still ill come Friday, it’s Saturday now and I’m actually feeling worse, so good job really.

I went down and got on the scales. I weigh in stones & pounds but you submit in Kg, I originally thought I had only lost 1 pound but when I converted it was actually 3 pounds, then I measured,  4 inches off all over. Bring on the tears! I’m not sure what I was expecting given I was still drinking a lot at weekends and had had a fair few takeaways, I think I was more disappointed with myself than the results as I know I could have done better and had I not got an injury & had to start over my results would most certainly been better.

I asked my boyfriend to take pictures, I felt really self-conscious, even though he sees me naked all the time, after seeing my weight & inches it just made me feel horrible. Obviously I hated the pictures, you submit your front, side & back, looking at them I could just see fat me.

Then something amazing happened, I looked at the two pictures together, before & after cycle 1. I had a waist again! I could see some actual significant change in my body shape. Hooray! Then I had another thought, if that change could happen in that time when I was really only giving it 70%, imagine what can happen on Cycles 2 & 3 if I put more effort in!!

At last I have my mojo back! I’ve missed this feeling so much. Cycle 2 arrived on Thursday morning so I spent a while reading it. It’s so different to cycle 1 & there is much more freedom when it comes to food and more carbs!

You exercise 4 times a week it’s HIIT & weights so the exercise is longer but not by much and you get to have 3 carb meals per day on training days YESSSSSS! Rest days are the same as on cycle one.

For food you are given some recipes for both training & rest days but you are encouraged to create your own & are given a guide of how much of which foods to have, on training days it’s meat, veg, spices, sauces & carbs, on rest days carbs are replaced by fats. The snacks differ from training & rest days too.

Luckily being holed up on my sofa gave me plenty of time to work out some recipes, I found the best way was to use joes cook books, there’s also a page on Facebook called mydietburble that gives recipe ideas which is really useful.

So I am really excited to start, I’m going to start with a rest day tomorrow, just in case I’m still ill and do my first training day on Monday.

So here are my tips for cycle one.

  • Plan ahead for each week, I found that working out my training days and my meals for the week ahead helped keep me focused.
  • Batch cook if you can, I was doubling up on dinners so I could have them for lunch or dinner later in the week, it saves lots of time.
  • Join groups on social media. The support there is amazing, everyone is going through the same struggles and even just reading some people’s success stories can keep you going when you need it.
  • Buy Carb killas for snacks if you have a sweet tooth, they’re amazing and you’re allowed 2 per week.
  • If like me you hate plain yoghurt, buy some flavour drops from my protein, I saved my yoghurt from some recipes and had as a dessert with toffee flavour drops or added a strawberry flavour drop to my protein shake was a game changer! 
  • Don’t weigh or measure yourself until the end of each 30 days. This is one thing I did actually stick to but I see so many people on the groups becoming anxious as they’re not seeing the change that they want, someone in one of the groups posted this which helps explain why this happens
  • And finally, trust in the plan. It isn’t this successful for no reason you may want to give up at times, but stick with it. I am yet to come across someone who has finished the 90 days and said they’ve seen no change.

Bring on cycle two!!!

The uninvited Chimp

So I have spent the last few days feeling really sorry for myself. My mojo is creeping back but that little negative voice in my head aka Barry, is back for a visit and I didn’t bloody invite him.

I have my first ever cold sore, which I am convinced everyone is staring at. I can feel it growing like its its own person, I shall name him Colin if this carries on much longer.

I don’t feel like I have lost any weight or inches coming to the end of cycle one, even though I have still drank a fair amount of booze and had a few takeaways so probably shouldnt be surprised. This is making me panic as I have a hen do, a wedding and a girls weekend away coming up in about 6 weeks and everything I wear makes me look like a bound up piece of meat

Meat

I havent slept very well for the last few nights which I think is making my head whirl, it’s just constant chatter in my head: “Dont forget to….” “What if …. happens?” “Why did …. do/say that?” and the very popular “Why isnt ….. replying to my message?” Oh its been such fun! My boyfriend is then talking about going out for a few drinks after work, which my initial (internal) reaction was not very good. “Is he going to come home late? Is he going to be ok? I something going to happen? I mean he only said he might go out!? I he even going??”

Then I realised that Barry the Bastard isn’t in charge of me anymore! I went against him and messaged my friend and felt instantly better, then started thinking about what I was going to watch on TV, what I was going to make myself for dinner, house to myself YAY!!!! Screw you Barry!! You’re certainly not invited to sit on the sofa with me and watch 13 reasons why, you and Colin can eff right off.

 

Misery does not love company

I’ve fallen down a slippery slope and completely lost my mojo. I am now on a vicious cycle of having good intentions, treating myself, hating myself and then feeling guilty about anything & everything. What a time to be alive.

I was doing so well on my plan but I have seem to have lost my get up and go. I’m not sure if it’s because I am coming off of my tablets, because I am tired or because I am still unable to fully avoid booze. I feel great when I exercise and eat well but for some reason it’s not enough to keep me going at the moment, I took Saturday off of the plan as we were out for the day and one day off has now turned into 4. God damn you bank holiday weekend!

I woke up on Sunday feeling depressed, I didn’t want to go anywhere, I didnt want to see anyone, I just wanted to shut myself away BUT this does not include my boyfriend, why can’t he get this? Why does he not telepathically know that I need him to just come check on me every now and then, instead of avoiding me as if I am some unexploded time bomb.

I decided to have a bit of a pamper and declutter my bedroom, as we had the kids and I didn’t have the patience for dealing with whose go it was on the computer or who pushed who. I want them to like me and at the time I think I would have just thrown the computer out of the window to settle any arguments, then no one would like me.

My boyfriend getting ready in lightening speed, in my head this was to avoid me, but in actual fact he was running late, I decided I didn’t actually want to stay in on my own, I wanted to go with them to his parents, sitting in all day alone wasnt going to lift my mood.

I went and had a nice day, but this resulted in more drinking and me going home alone crying myself to sleep for no apparent reason.

The following day all I wanted was some peace and quiet, I need a day to just collect myself and get my house in order so that I could go back to work without feeling like I had a thousand things to do. Unfortunately, this wasnt going to happen. The entire weekends washing up was still on the side in the kitchen and the laundry basket was overflowing but I just can’t get anything done when the kids are in the house and with the weather against me I had no choice but to resign to my bedroom whilst they all played the computer and watched wrestling downstairs, I wasnt in the mood to compromise today. I finally went down to cook them all dinner and give in to a glass of wine.

It helped, until this morning when I felt even worse. I’ve had a moan to a few of my friends and have cancelled my plans for the evening so I can literally get my house in order and start again tomorrow. Hopefully the black cloud will piss off and my mojo will return.

Pop goes the muscle

Last Friday was my birthday weekend, my boyfriend always takes me out for a surprise dinner & I was really looking forward to it. I had lunch with a friend and managed to stay on plan, I also bought loads of cakes and treats into work and didn’t touch a thing. I was so in the zone.

We went to a nice rooftop bar for some drinks and then headed off to the restaurant. We were waiting to cross the road and I went to run across and I felt a sickening pop in my calf. Oh the pain! Ouuuuuch! I managed to hobble to the restaurant hoping to walk it off. I got some ice from the waiter and LOTS of wine to try & dull the pain.

The dinner was amazing, he took me to Smiths in Wapping which I love and it’s very romantic AND I managed to eat healthy. Sadly the wine didn’t work as I’d hoped and rather than go on for drinks after it was a taxi home.

I’d planned to have a rest day on Saturday anyway, which was lucky as I could barely walk. I was feeling fed up and slightly panicking as I was due to finish cycle one later that week. I caved in and got an Indian takeaway for dinner and resolved to get back to healthy the following day. I did this but still couldn’t walk so I had to cancel a meeting with the florist.

The following day was my birthday & I’d taken the day off work and planned to have lunch with my best friend. She had to pick me up as I was worried about driving, I looked like a right idiot hobbling up the road. I allowed myself a chicken carbonarra from Prezzo as that’s my fave. When I got home, I felt pretty sorry for myself, in anticipation of the pity party I was about to have, I had bought some bakewell tarts and some prosecco. This wasnt the birthday I had in mind, I should be shopping, drinking, anything but sitting on my sofa trying to muster up the effort to make the 5 hour trip to the kitchen to get myself a coke zero. I wanted to see if I could drive so I offered to pick my boyfriend up from the station as a test, which I passed thank god. By the time my boyfriend got home from work, I had eaten the whole packet of bakewell tarts and  was ready to crack open the prosecco. Fuck it, may as well get a bloody chinese.

The following day I had a doctor’s appointment, I am finally going to come off the anti-depressants! Not a great start to the day tho as I struggled to bring a basket of dirty laundry from upstairs (I normally just throw it down) that got me in tears, then a packet of sesame seeds had fallen out of the cupboard which sent me hysterical, anyone would have thought something horrific had happened in my life the way I was carrying on. I went to the doctors and didn’t tell him about my meltdown, I think it was more due to cabin fever than anything else, plus my frustration about having to stop the plan. He told me I had “probably” torn a calf muscle as there was now a nice green bruise on the back of my leg. I need to rest it and recovery can take 4-6 weeks. Thanks doc, so exactly what I read on the internet then. I picked up the last of my pills (hopefully) and drove home, all the way craving chip shop chips, which of course I got along with a pie. Once you start this bloody junk eating its hard to stop.

I decided to attempt to get to work on Wednesday, I had dinner planned with a friend and I really didn’t want to cancel for a 3rd time. I walk pretty fast all the time, my walk to the train station usually takes me about 20 minutes and its all uphill, today it took forever, but at least I got a seat, the walk from the station to my office is around 10 minutes. It took me about an extra 25 minutes to get into work and I was exhausted, my good leg was aching and I felt like a right twat hobbling around the office, but it was nice to be out and about. My lovely work, showered me with some lovely gifts for my birthday and I met my friend for dinner so the pain was worth it.

I tried to keep myself moving, which I now realise this was a mistake as when I woke up on Thursday, my leg was throbbing, I messaged my boss and told him I was going to stay at home and rest it. I had my birthday drinks planned for Friday and I wasn’t bloody going to cancel that. So I settled down for the day with reality TV & cake.

Friday! Birthday drinks and also a friend at works 40th birthday. My leg felt better that yesterday I was going to get up early and get in and decorate her desk. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes as Wednesday so I decided I would catch a bus, then a tube, then a bus, this would mean a lot less walking. So I thought. The bus journey to the tube station takes around 45 minutes usually but this morning the bus was making good time, I started thinking to myself that maybe the bus would be the way forward for the summer months. About 5 minutes after having this thought, people started getting off the bus, we weren’t even at a stop, we were at traffic lights, why is everyone getting off? They’ve only gone and closed the road! Traffic wasnt even moving. I sat there for another 5 minutes or so and the bus was practically empty now. Dammit, I’m going to have to get off and do the 15 minute walk, which will take me at least 20, so off I hobbled. Luckily a tube arrived straight away and I got a seat. Yay!

Got off the tube and checked my app to see when the next bus would arrive. 19 Minutes. 19 Minutes!! It will take me that to walk to the office, sod it, so off I hobbled again only for the bus to overtake me. I honestly thought I was going to cry. I managed to get on a bus eventually but rather than get in early to decorate my friends desk, I actually got in late and my 1 hour journey took over 2 hours. Never again!! Tonight I get drunk!

Moody Monday

Last night I made myself some overnight oats, which was actually a great trick as when I tried to have my usual argument with myself this morning about shall I exercise or stay in bed, I had to get up because I had to have my refuel meal. I decided to go up to level 3 on the Joe Wicks DVD, bloody hell, who thought that 5 seconds more could make such a difference? Feeling achey, but all please with myself, I got ready for work and enjoyed my oatsIMG_6489

I was in pretty happy mood for a Monday, work was pretty quiet so I thought I would go online and look for some outfits for my birthday dinner with the boyfriend on Friday. I’m not sure if this was the trigger, as I did find it quite depressing looking at all these slim women and all these lovely dresses and knowing that I was not going to be able to wear any of them but suddenly the black cloud arrived, I had managed to avoid it for the last few days but now it was well and truly here.

By the time I finished work I was a really bad mood and I really didn’t know why!! I felt really fed up, angry & tearful. I wondered if it was a booze comedown from the weekend but I didn’t drink anymore than a normal weekend. I’m already blaming my boyfriend for being moody at the weekend and spending the entire time on the computer with the kids, I worked it out that the entire time the kids were awake and in the house, they were on the computer. Me, I just cleaned up.

I hated feeling like this and havent felt this bad since being on my tablets, it was literally a rollercoaster of emotions, by the time I got home I wanted to cry. To make matters worse, my boyfriend ended up having to work a bit late, which usually I wouldn’t care about and be happy to have the extra time to myself, but today I wanted him home, I don’t even know why as really I just wanted to shout at him for no reason whatsoever.

After being home for about an hour he messaged me to say he was on the train, so I decided to get dinner on the go. Normally I would offer to go and pick him up but I was so pissed off and fed up I decided he could walk for once. Childish I know.

He came home and seemed in a fairly good mood which made me feel a little bit better, we chatted a bit and he asked me how my day was, so I was honest and told him how I was feeling, I left out the part where he was to blame for everything that was wrong with the world, I didn’t think that would help matters. He gave me a big cuddle and we sat and had a nice chilled night together, along with my cheesy meatballs. Heres hoping to a better day tomorrow.IMG_6495

The Body Coach 90 Day SSS Plan – The rest of week 3

So as you know, week three got off to a wobbly start, but I was determined not to be beaten. I woke up on Friday, feeling refreshed and ready to go, I cracked on with a HIIT session and rewarded myself with some yummy pancakes.IMG_6464

They are seriously good, but soooo filling. I was on such a high after exercising I decided to try out the chicken satay for lunch, which was delicious and better than the one I had from the chinese takeaway the other week, but that was rubbish to be fair! You cannot see it in the pic but that contains a whole 120g bag of rocket and it wasnt even enough greens!!IMG_6474

Friday lunch went the usual way, the angel & devil in my head fighting out whether to go out to lunch, then my friend popped over to my desk and without thinking I suggested wine. Oh well. I still managed to go home and cook after meeting the boyfriends parents in the pub where they had taken the kids for dinner, more red wine! I tried out a new recipe, cod with Spicy peas. It was bloody lovely, it doesn’t look much in the picture but it was really tasty, definitely one to have again.IMG_6482

The only problem with knocking back all this red wine is that I felt a bit moody, the boyfriend was being snappy and miserable and I couldn’t cope with it so spent most of the evening sulking.

Saturday

Woke up the next morning, determined not to carry the misery on, my boyfriend was taking the kids to football and I was to do a HIIT workout, I was trying not to think about it and just get to it. It worked and I felt really good afterwards, I decided to have another go at the spanish omelette.IMG_6481

It tasted so much better this time, not burnt. It was still more of a hash than an omelette but it was lovely. I was meeting my friend for lunch and had arranged to go to Browns so that I could have a sirloin steak and some green veg. The boyfriend was now home and being even more miserable as he didn’t feel well, seriously! I said goodbye to the kids and left the house without saying goodbye to him, that will teach him. I met my friend but we forgot to book a table so that meant a 30 minute wait, which meant, you guessed it red wine, we had a great catch up, I forgot to ask for no chips with my steak and I ate them, dammit. Still I could be good for the rest of the day. I was feeling tired, hormonal so on my way home, I picked up more red wine and planned to sulk until my boyfriend apologised.

This didnt happen as I got home and just wanted to make up, I couldn’t bear the sulking. Unfortunately, the peace didn’t last long and another bicker ensued later on which led me to not have any dinner that night, I still made myself a cashew curry but put it in the fridge to have for lunch Monday & Tuesday. I was so wound up I wasnt really tired and he was like a nodding dog so went up to bed, I stayed downstairs for another 30 mins or so and when I went up he was still awake and said he wanted to wait up for me.

Sunday I woke up feeling a bit better, but not entirely sulk free. I decided to go for an interval run to see if this would help. I got up and made the kids some toast and off I went. Bloody hell, interval running is harder than normal running! I came back covered in sweat but in a slightly better mood. I got showered, made the kids a smoothie each with the help of one in their chef hat and made me and my boyfriend a spanish omelette and left them downstairs playing the computer while I ate my breakfast in relative piece. I came down a while later and decided to clean the kitchen. The kids asked for a milkshake, which the boyfriend agreed to, so I made this and cracked on scrubbing every surface and cleaning the floor to finish off. I kept reminding my boyfriend of the time as they had to be at his parents for dinner at 3pm as they do every other Sunday, then at 2pm he finally decides its time to get ready so off goes to the shower, leaving the kids with no instructions whatsoever. At 2.30pm I tell them to go and get ready as he is still upstairs doing god knows what and I cannot deal with him stomping around in a huff because they’re late. They go upstairs and then it begins, of course they’re not getting ready, they’re doing everything but. However, I am busy cleaning up after everyone and decide that since my boyfriend is upstairs, he can deal with it. After about 15 minutes of him asking them to get ready he comes downstairs and says to me “no more milkshakes” Everything is all my fault of course, perhaps if they hadn’t been on the computer since 8.30am this morning and got ready instead we wouldn’t be having this issue?

By the time they had all left the house, I was done cleaning the kitchen and decided on a cup of tea and a carb killa. Rock n Roll! I binge watched Ex on the Beach and had a lime and avocado smoothie for lunch, feeling very pleased with myself at having exercised and also not killing my boyfriend. I could feel it bubbling up inside me but I was determined not to cause an argument. I decided to do a fake tan and paint my nails to make myself feel better, I wanted to shake this fog. By the time he came home I was in a bit of a better mood I made him some chicken satay and at the last-minute decided I wanted a cheese and mushroom omelette, the evening went on with no sulking and we went to bed fine and dandy.