Do friends have “sell by” dates?

This post is dedicated to my friend and general life coach 🙂

So after three weeks off of the plan due to the torn muscle and the tonsilitis I am now a week back in, sadly the drama in my life didn’t stop there.

I am at a stage in my life where I am happy and settled, I have some amazing people around me, I really am very lucky. Sometimes though, this reveals some of the people who have been not so amazing and unfortunately, this happened to be someone I had considered one of my best friends a couple of years back.

I have this friend, we used to be really close, we went through a lot together, however the last few years I have become more and more frustrated as our friendship seems to have become very one-sided.

Around the time I moved out of the area, she had her first child, all was good I went to visit her regularly and I would take time off of work to drive over to see her and the baby, who I later became godparent to. Understandably, she couldn’t come out as much, but I still made sure I stayed in touch and visited all the time. She didn’t drive at the time so I would go and collect her and take her back to my home if she wanted to come to me, which wasn’t very often. Then it kind of started to fall apart.

I would send her a message or call her and wouldn’t get a response, I understand she has other priorities, not a problem, but when I would see her she would tell me how she had been messaging a guy all night. I was annoyed, she has all this time to message this guy back, but she didn’t have time to message me back? Slightly rude but ok, I decided to take a step back, I didn’t want to fall out with anyone, but I wasnt going to put any more effort in than necessary, I was quite upset, I thought our friendship was better than that.

I would get the occasional phone call or message when there was an update on this guy, I didn’t really want to hear it, I tried to talk about her husband and children but she just wanted to talk about him, she would suggest meeting up but I tried to avoid it on a one to one basis as I didn’t want to hear about her affairs, so I kind of just got on with my life, avoiding the situation when I could and occasionally meeting up.

Then last year we seemed to get a bit closer again, she got better at replying to messages and we kept in touch more regularly and met up a few times, she seemed to have realised that I didn’t want to hear about her affairs, which were still ongoing and then, I got engaged. I sent a message out to all of my close friends, her included and everybody responded, apart from her, she did however respond on social media. Odd.

I messaged her a few days later to ask when she was free and I’ll give her a call as I knew she was going away, I never heard a thing. This was so bizarre. Every time I saw her before she was always asking “Are you engaged yet?” So when it finally happened, it seemed like she didn’t want to know, I was confused, I was expecting her to be straight on the phone wanting to know all about it, not because that’s what I think people should be doing but because she had always made such a big deal about it before, so to hear nothing was strange. When I did hear it was on a group message of a few of us and not much to it just a general message to everyone.

I heard from her on and off, making half-hearted attempts to meet up, although I had to go to her, which unfortunately was a bit difficult as I was so busy at the weekends and it was too far to drive in the evening, I suggested meeting halfway in the week but she said she was too busy, then she didn’t come to the engagement party, so I just left it.

I thought maybe she had stuff going on, but her social media has never been so active, it’s all over instagram her out partying, she didn’t even invite me to her birthday night which has never happened before.

 

I decided I needed to have a good think about this friendship, unfortunately, she had obviously sensed this and I was now getting weekly messages asking when we were meeting up and how was I? I needed some space to think about what I was going to do but I wasnt getting any. I just ignored the messages, hoping that she would realise. This was probably a cowardly thing to do but I didn’t want to be fake and I didnt want to end the friendship until I had proper time to mull it over, this friendship had meant a lot to me once and I needed to figure this out in my head.

She has now realised that I am upset with her and has asked why. I laid out all the facts, I wasn’t nasty I just said it how it was. It wasn’t easy and its something I have put off doing for a while but it was stressing me out and I was losing sleep over it.

I feel better for it now and just hope that I am given the space I have asked for.

 

Pop goes the muscle

Last Friday was my birthday weekend, my boyfriend always takes me out for a surprise dinner & I was really looking forward to it. I had lunch with a friend and managed to stay on plan, I also bought loads of cakes and treats into work and didn’t touch a thing. I was so in the zone.

We went to a nice rooftop bar for some drinks and then headed off to the restaurant. We were waiting to cross the road and I went to run across and I felt a sickening pop in my calf. Oh the pain! Ouuuuuch! I managed to hobble to the restaurant hoping to walk it off. I got some ice from the waiter and LOTS of wine to try & dull the pain.

The dinner was amazing, he took me to Smiths in Wapping which I love and it’s very romantic AND I managed to eat healthy. Sadly the wine didn’t work as I’d hoped and rather than go on for drinks after it was a taxi home.

I’d planned to have a rest day on Saturday anyway, which was lucky as I could barely walk. I was feeling fed up and slightly panicking as I was due to finish cycle one later that week. I caved in and got an Indian takeaway for dinner and resolved to get back to healthy the following day. I did this but still couldn’t walk so I had to cancel a meeting with the florist.

The following day was my birthday & I’d taken the day off work and planned to have lunch with my best friend. She had to pick me up as I was worried about driving, I looked like a right idiot hobbling up the road. I allowed myself a chicken carbonarra from Prezzo as that’s my fave. When I got home, I felt pretty sorry for myself, in anticipation of the pity party I was about to have, I had bought some bakewell tarts and some prosecco. This wasnt the birthday I had in mind, I should be shopping, drinking, anything but sitting on my sofa trying to muster up the effort to make the 5 hour trip to the kitchen to get myself a coke zero. I wanted to see if I could drive so I offered to pick my boyfriend up from the station as a test, which I passed thank god. By the time my boyfriend got home from work, I had eaten the whole packet of bakewell tarts and  was ready to crack open the prosecco. Fuck it, may as well get a bloody chinese.

The following day I had a doctor’s appointment, I am finally going to come off the anti-depressants! Not a great start to the day tho as I struggled to bring a basket of dirty laundry from upstairs (I normally just throw it down) that got me in tears, then a packet of sesame seeds had fallen out of the cupboard which sent me hysterical, anyone would have thought something horrific had happened in my life the way I was carrying on. I went to the doctors and didn’t tell him about my meltdown, I think it was more due to cabin fever than anything else, plus my frustration about having to stop the plan. He told me I had “probably” torn a calf muscle as there was now a nice green bruise on the back of my leg. I need to rest it and recovery can take 4-6 weeks. Thanks doc, so exactly what I read on the internet then. I picked up the last of my pills (hopefully) and drove home, all the way craving chip shop chips, which of course I got along with a pie. Once you start this bloody junk eating its hard to stop.

I decided to attempt to get to work on Wednesday, I had dinner planned with a friend and I really didn’t want to cancel for a 3rd time. I walk pretty fast all the time, my walk to the train station usually takes me about 20 minutes and its all uphill, today it took forever, but at least I got a seat, the walk from the station to my office is around 10 minutes. It took me about an extra 25 minutes to get into work and I was exhausted, my good leg was aching and I felt like a right twat hobbling around the office, but it was nice to be out and about. My lovely work, showered me with some lovely gifts for my birthday and I met my friend for dinner so the pain was worth it.

I tried to keep myself moving, which I now realise this was a mistake as when I woke up on Thursday, my leg was throbbing, I messaged my boss and told him I was going to stay at home and rest it. I had my birthday drinks planned for Friday and I wasn’t bloody going to cancel that. So I settled down for the day with reality TV & cake.

Friday! Birthday drinks and also a friend at works 40th birthday. My leg felt better that yesterday I was going to get up early and get in and decorate her desk. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes as Wednesday so I decided I would catch a bus, then a tube, then a bus, this would mean a lot less walking. So I thought. The bus journey to the tube station takes around 45 minutes usually but this morning the bus was making good time, I started thinking to myself that maybe the bus would be the way forward for the summer months. About 5 minutes after having this thought, people started getting off the bus, we weren’t even at a stop, we were at traffic lights, why is everyone getting off? They’ve only gone and closed the road! Traffic wasnt even moving. I sat there for another 5 minutes or so and the bus was practically empty now. Dammit, I’m going to have to get off and do the 15 minute walk, which will take me at least 20, so off I hobbled. Luckily a tube arrived straight away and I got a seat. Yay!

Got off the tube and checked my app to see when the next bus would arrive. 19 Minutes. 19 Minutes!! It will take me that to walk to the office, sod it, so off I hobbled again only for the bus to overtake me. I honestly thought I was going to cry. I managed to get on a bus eventually but rather than get in early to decorate my friends desk, I actually got in late and my 1 hour journey took over 2 hours. Never again!! Tonight I get drunk!