Return of the Baz

I’ve noticed something about my anxiety, which in turn brings Barry back. I’ve noticed that it seems to return when I have a lot going on or stress happening in my life. Thinking about it now it’s hardly a revelation, but previously I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t realised and thought my anxiety was permanent and even better than that it’s made me realise I can control it (yay)

Take this week for example, I am currently an agony aunt to about 3 different people, which I love as I love being there for my friends. My boyfriends ex is being a total pain and using the children as weapons again, one of his close family members is going through a break up and one of his friends has some mental health issues, we’re going away for the weekend with the kids which is always quite stressful trying to get packed etc as we always end up arguing and to top it all off I am struggling to stay on plan.

I woke up the early hours on Wednesday morning to thunder & lightening and then couldn’t get back to sleep as Barry was now wide awake. I decided to get up and exercise even though Barry was insisting I do it after work. I told him to shut up, I was doing it this morning. Yes I said it out loud.

I went downstairs, got the laptop fired up, Barry was still blabbing on, literally would not shut up to the point where I was crying, I was tired and usually in this situation Barry would have got his way, as I hadn’t had enough sleep and I felt crap, but I was determined to do this.

After forcing myself through the warm up I realised Barry wasn’t there, he’d gone! I felt like I’d won. I got through the exercises and my mind felt so much clearer so I decided to go over the things Barry was bringing up. Surprisingly I managed to come up with some rational solutions and felt a lot better for it. I decided that I’m going to take my running stuff away with me, if Barry makes an appearance I’m going to take him for a run and try and lose him.

On a side note, I found this six day challenge online that explains this all really well and you can get your own Barry

http://projectself.com.au/6-days-to-decisiveness

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Cycle One, Round Two

I haven’t been on here for a while, what with a busy calendar, the last month or so has been a bit of a blur, which sadly hindered my 90 day plan further.

As you have probably already seen, since starting the plan back in March, I have torn a calf muscle, had the flu and several colds, had a birthday, had a weekend away,  come off of my anti depressants, had my best friends hen do, had my brothers wedding and then my best friends hen weekend.

I just couldn’t get a hold of it and felt something was always getting in my way. I bodged my way through cycle two, just, then got my cycle three plan only to decide that I want to start the whole thing again and this time I’m going to really give it my all. I finally have my mojo back after all this time and more importantly, I feel ready. Pretty sure having one month until my best friends wedding is also helping too.

I’ve got my life coach friend onto the books so its nice to have someone to obsess about the plan with. We also went along and helped Joe Wicks break the world record last week. I must admit I was swaying towards the idea of doing some drastic low calorie diet for the next 30 days, but going there and seeing almost 4000 people do one of Joes HIIT workouts really did inspire me to start the whole thing again.

I’ve decided that this time, I am going to avoid drinking alcohol as much as possible, which for me is going to be pretty difficult, given already this week I have a lunch and two dinners I’m going out for, but I have reserved the right restaurants where I know I can eat on plan and I am really going to try and avoid drinking alcohol in the week. I realise now I could have done so much more last time round which makes me more determined as I can clearly see my mistakes.

I got up at 5am this morning, did a 20 minute HIIT sessions from Joes DVD, made myself some protein breakfast muffins and my lunch and I am feeling pretty good.

So here goes round two of cycle one. Wish me luck.

Getting Unstuck

I’ve been feeling a bit “stuck” I guess is the only word I can think to describe it right now. Its like there is so much I want to do, but I am being held back, I’m not even sure what by. Is it me? My lifestyle? I’m feeling quite frustrated but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Recently, I was doing my usual commute to work. It takes around an hour door to door, half of my journey is spent on the train. I’ve always loved working in London, I’ve been in the city for 16 years now (God I’m old!) The commute has never bothered me and I’ve had many different commutes in that time, including the Central Line, otherwise known as the Greenhouse on wheels. Yet the other day I decided that I wasn’t sure if the city life was for me anymore. I started thinking seriously about my career future. I’ve never wanted to be a big cheese, I had a supervisor role when I was younger and although I am admittedly very bossy, I much prefer to be able to do my job and go home, I could never be someone who works endless hours or takes their job home with them, well at least not this job. I want to feel that passion and excitement that I see in others.

A friend of mine has recently opened her own holistic treatment room. I admire her so much, she has a family, she is the same age as me, she knew what she wanted and she went for it, she took that leap. Her doing this really made me think, what do I enjoy doing? There was only one answer to this, it’s the only thing I have ever enjoyed and that is what I am doing right now. Writing.

My dreams and aspirations have come and gone, when I was in primary school I wanted to be a nurse, since then I have wanted to be an estate agent, a journalist, a hairdresser, a singer and an actress but one thing I have always wanted that has never ever faltered over the years, is to write books. When I was younger I used to “borrow” blank exercise books from school and write stories. I would read books and then have a sequel in my head on what happened to all the characters after. I remember finding a “choose your own adventure book” when I was younger, I was in heaven! All those possible outcomes in one book!! My boyfriend is always amazed at how many books I get through, he’s been reading the same one for months. Reading and writing has always been my passion, I get excited when I have a good idea. Since starting this page I have random thoughts about things I want to write about, it can at times consume me.

My ultimate dream is to make a career out of writing, work from home where I live with my then to be Husband and LOTS of dogs. I just need to make the leap (and time) to do this and get myself unstuck! Any tips on how would be gratefully received!