Part of my anxiety means that I cannot be late. This is such a major dilemma in my relationship, as my boyfriend has no concept of time whatsoever, often leaving home at the time he’s supposed to be somewhere, I on the other hand like to be at least 10 minutes early, I allow for traffic etc. If I am late it sends me into a meltdown and its caused so many arguments between us. This went in my favour on the day I went to see the solicitor as I couldn’t bloody find it. I walked up and down the high street about 3 times before noticing it nestled between Lloyd’s Bank and the Pound Shop. I pressed the buzzer, no answer. Morning Barry! “What if they have mixed up my appointment?” “What if he’s off sick today?” Arrrrrrgh. Luckily before I could respond to Barry or talk to myself in the high street as everyone else would have seen it, two people arrived at the door with coffee. “Hi I have an appointment with David Beckham at 9am” bless the girl for not even flinching, my solicitors name was Dan Beckham! So just as quick as Barry shut up, there he was again. “She must think you’re a right twat!”
Dan, as it turns out was lovely, he put me straight at ease, although now I wonder if these people were actually putting me at ease or I just realised there was nothing to feel uneasy about in the first place. One of the things I liked about him was his cutting comments about the other solicitor. “He can’t even spell his own clients name correctly” and “what kind of grammar is that” He was a total bitch and I loved it. He was very calm and matter of fact, told it to me straight and he drew up a response letter there and then, adding as many sniping comments as he could get away with. I came out of there pretty chuffed, called my boyfriend and then my dad and went on my way to work. I should have known it wasn’t going to be that simple.
The next few months resulted in a game that I didn’t want any part in. My ex husbands solicitor would send letters half full of lies, it would infuriate me and then upset me, this wasnt punch or cry, this had escalated to punch AND cry! I would speak to my solicitor, saying I didn’t understand why he felt the need to lie, the reason we broke up was my doing and I had never denied that, for him to pile lies on top of the horrible truth, he also added thinly veiled threats about not exposing our current partners to what is going on. Luckily I have no secrets from my boyfriend and hate lies so he could do what he liked. Not only was my anxiety back in full swing, I was stressed out. My face broke out in acne when I had always had clear skin and I was constantly coming down with colds and quite frankly I was awful to be around, I was miserable and there was no sign of my Divorce being over any time soon.
As I said before, I have no secrets from my boyfriend, so if I am miserable, he knows about it. After one huge argument (which I/Barry caused) we agreed that I would book in to see a counselor, something else to worry about! After a few weeks of putting it off and feeling pretty miserable, I went online and found one near my house. I couldn’t afford to be paying the fees of a counselor near my work so close to Christmas. The woman had a kind face and lots of qualifications so I sent her a message, which I always prefer, I hate speaking on the phone. I arranged an appointment for the following week. I’m going to eat my lunch now so we shall continue this later.